The Book of Arne
A Short European International Literary Exposition
Sixteen of the best short stories you've ever read interspersed with embarrassing revelations about the author between each, The Book Of Arne is a glimpse into the mind of a madman.
195
English
Oct 2023
6.4/5
About The Book (of Arne)
With a wicked blend of wit and humor, these sixteen disparate and embellished stories of the Americas and Europe are a veritable literary escapade interspersed with hilarious anecdotes, incisive observations, and thoughtful reflections.
All are one hundred percent true fiction.
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What You'll Discover:
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- Of the things in life that are final, the sale of this book is one of them.
- If you paid for this book, consider our transaction finalized.
- Finality is an ambiguous concept, except when it comes to refunds on the sale of this book.
Read an Excerpt
I bought a new car recently and I love my car. It’s a previously enjoyed Toyota Echo, so it’s not technically new but it’s as new as I will ever be capable of owning and I treat it as if it just rolled off the lot.
I am that guy parking at the very back of parking lots when shopping (miles away from the doors) and the guy who lovingly rubs wax on my car with a baby’s cloth diaper in the springtime. I love my car. I want to marry my car and have like ten thousand of its babies. You’ll need to know all that before I go on with this story, OK? Ich liebe mein auto.
Alright, here we go … this past Saturday I treated my 7-year-old daughter and my former 4-year-old son to a simply lovely day. It was a picture perfect, cold and wintery day. And there was lots of snow so we were all really feeling the season. We started the day off with breakfast at the Podunk Airport watching the planes take off and land – well there were no planes taking off or landing because it was too cold but we had fun simply looking at the parked planes while we ate. Then in the afternoon we went to my new company’s childrens Christmas party, which was a really terrific affair – the company pulled out all of the stops and the kids had an absolutely fantastic time.
Late in the afternoon, when it was time to leave we packed up my car with the kid’s gifts and candy; my wife took my daughter out with her on some errands, and I took my wife’s son with me to Home Depot to pick up a part for our new fridge (also not technically new but it’s as new a fridge as I will ever be capable of owning.) The drive to Home Depot was uneventful, even pleasant, with me and the boy chatting away. When we arrived at Home Depot, I parked my gorgeous car, and got out of my beautiful car, and opened the back door of my awesome car so I could pull the boy out of his child seat.
As I reached in to get him, that’s when he vomited.
Testimonials
Here's what actual real guaranteed non-fake people are saying about The Book Of Arne
Amateur, infantile, and homophobic.
Jane Smith
Paid Reviewer
Almost anyone could do better.
Carolina Hemingway
Family Member
A masterful attempt at literature. Let's hope there are no more attempts.
Rufus Hemingway
Illegitimate Child
The only fault I can find is that the pages are a little too slippery to use in the bathroom.
Robert Wilson
Best Friend
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Ten Days In San José
Expected Release: September 2025
Sick alcoholic Canadian-by-birth Arne Hemingway (no relation) is told by doctors in Europe to get his ass back to Canada ASAP for emergency treatment or else. Arne is afraid of needles and everything else to do with the ghouls that pass for medical professionals in Canada, so he procrastinates by making a detour to San Jose Costa Rica for some overdue dental work.